When I entered the roller rink last night it was like stepping back to 1985. The disco ball, lights, DJ and truly gaudy decor brought back all the great times where I was dropped off by my parents with $5 dollars and met friends to have a great time.
Last night, my 7 year old and I strapped on our skates and headed out to the floor and into the reality that skating can be difficult your first time out. Now I have a stubborn child who at times gives up easily, but she still has the tenacity to make IT happen when she wants. I knew what was coming. I instructed her using all my skating skill which actually is very limited, but I taught myself during my afternoons free from mom and dad and I figured she could do the same. She fell down, we laughed. She fell again and we laughed again. It went on and on, but then after a particularly forceful belly flop, she hit her proverbial wall. She wasn't going anywhere! I conjoled, bribed, appealed to her pride and vanity, but to no avail. We were stuck on the far side of the rink with tears and angst and we were not going anywhere!
So I tried the "I going to leave you behind bit" and skated off. I turned around a bit later to what I was sure would be her following me slowly, but instead I saw something that made me quite angry.
Another child had given my girl a crutch, literally! There she was holding on to this v-shaped design made with pvc pipe and wheels. She was skating now, technically. I was incensed. No one can learn to skate with a crutch, after all it takes balance and perseverance. A person can't lean on something and gain balance. And so like the harsh unfeeling mommy I can be, I went and took it away from her.
There was more crying and frustration, but we didn't pay for her to use a crutch while skating and she wouldn't learn that way. Other children had them and to Sarah it looked like they were having so much fun and not struggling. Sarah was adamant she needed the help. I was adamant she didin't and so I left her again to struggle through the learning curve.
Not more than two minutes later another one of the vile crutches was handed to her by another well intentioned child! This time I called a rink staff member. I asked him straight out if those wheeled helping contraptions actually helped anyone learn to skate. The answer was what I expected - NO. They only hinder the skating process but over half the children out on that rink were using them. I expressed my frustration to him and to his credit he told me I could walk on the rink with my shoes on to help my little girl. The mom beside me, though, piped up that she thought these crutch contraptions were just fine because her child hadn't had proper lessons yet. Proper lessons for roller skating! Who takes skating lessons? How absurd to think that pain can be saved by a crutch and that taking the easy way will make a person learn anything. I had watched the other children skating around with these things and they were still falling, but at much fast speeds than my girl fell. In addition, when they fell they got tangled in the contraption itself making their pain even worse.
Then it hit me! This was a reflection of what is wrong with our society. We are so hypersensitive about saving our children from the pains of childhood that we hinder their growth and development. I learned to skate by skating and falling. I wanted to skate because others were doing it and leaving me behind. I wanted to conform and be with the gang. Unfortunately, Sarah didn't feel the pressure to skate because those her age out on the floor were using a crutch. The crutch looked normal and as a child she couldn't see the real harm that could come from using it. The fight for independence from her crutch seemed unnecessary and cruel. She no longer wanted her freedom and independence. She wanted the crutch!
Isn't this so much the way parents today are approaching education, ball teams, etc. Our kids are living in bubbles that are ever expanding as a new dangers arise. Kids are living longer at home, expecting employers to meet their demands, and waiting for the "right job" instead of just getting a job. The pain of falling is being mitigated by the crutch and it is time for us as parents to step away and give our children the chance to experience the common pains of growing up in the hopes that when they are 18 they can act grown.
