Last Friday night, Nathan and I got the rare treat of being childless for an evening. Thank you, Mom and Dad. As an early birthday present, Nathan got me tickets to see one of my all time favorite artists, Steven Curtis Chapman. The last time I saw him in concert was before college probably sometime in the very early 90's. I remember him on stage with a keyboard in front of him while the crowd bounced up and down to a top 40 rock beat. It was awesome! Along with my past concert experience, SCC songs were also the theme for more than one of my summer camp experiences. In short SCC's music has been a part of my life for a very long time.
Just how long, however, did not register until we entered the auditorium. My vision for the night(and Nathan's fear) was a rumbling rock concert with a loud bass, people jumping in unison and a frenzy of excitement that would energize me. Instead, I walked in to an auditorium with music blaring to a sitting crowd. We found our seats and I began to take in my surroundings. In front of me was a bald man of middle age with his wife and daughter. Next to me, a couple who looked like their nest had been empty for several years. I began to scrutinize the whole crowd and discovered that more than not these people were middle aged or closely approaching it.
Suddenly, I saw my own aging just a little bit more sharply. Inside, I still feel 18. But on the outside...I am closer to 40 than 30. Strangely, I was a little bit shocked by the revelation, but I'm not sure why. I do know that time is passing. My children aren't babies and and I've been married 16 years. But how did it happen, in the blink of an eye that I went from a life time of living being in front of me to being smack dab in the middle of the life I have chosen to live.
For some reason it is all very strange and unsettling - not that I can stop it. I guess what I need to do is to just try to slow down some and enjoy the "miracle of the moment"
2 comments:
I saw Jennifer while I was in St. Joe last week. The first thing she said was, "You look so much like your mom" and the first thing I said was to her daughter - "You've gotten so tall!" Then we realized those are things old people say.
Funny! I have lost track of her. She doesn't seem to be on fb anymore. I hope she is doing okay. I didn't know she had a daughter, I thought she only had a son. I am way out of that loop!
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