2 AM Worry Attacks

Now all of you who know me well understand that I worry. Here I am on a thundering rainy night at two a.m. worrying about my life in general. I blame it all on the kids really because before them I don't ever remember waking up like this and not being able to go back to sleep. Now, however, my mind simply races.

Tonight my mind races around the fact that presently my boys have no transportation to my campus after school. To make matters worse, at this point (due to numbers) they can't transfer to my second school, and Aaron has needs that make it difficult for him to be left on a bus for too long or to be left and entrusted to someone who doesn't know the medical world fairly well. I also have no home of my own as I now share a room with two other teachers. I am trying to figure out how to organize/squeeze 9 years of teaching materials and books into their rooms with their collective 20+ years of materials and books, while also holding on to the minute possibility that I might actually get a spot of my own that will unfortunately need a lot of cleaning! And adding to all this frustration is that we still don't have our rent house rented and September is sprinting up behind us. I can hear its feet pounding in the distance and getting louder. Did we remember to put in an advertisement to the fact that we have a rent house ?- um no! Why? - ummmmm, no idea!

Now taking one of these at a time (with the exception of not knowing what my children will do after the first day of school) would not put me near the edge of fear. But borrowing on the principal of compounded interest from accounting and using it to measure my fear at what the future holds for us in the next two weeks...um well I just became a fear millionaire - without any real moolah - unfortunately.

But as I laid in bed wide awake at an hour when I should be asleep, thoughts of where fear comes from begin move into the sides of my brain and push to the front.

Fear is not of God because God is in control of everything. If I have faith, then I need not fear. God has never let me down, ever!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Phillipians 4: 6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I have felt the peace that transcends all understanding and covet it again as I return to my bed. I am choosing to be greatful for my life at the moment, choosing to see all this as an opportunity and a blessing waiting to be revealed because I don't have God's whole plan outlined to me. If it sounds like I am talking myself into having faith, well I am. But I have discovered that faith is not a feeling but a decision to believe even when circumstances look impossible.


Now with that...back to bed and hopefully to sleep!